This has, for months, been an ongoing concern of mine. It seemed from the beginning that a close friendship between MsM and me could/would be problematic. I was and am worried that 'familiarity breeds contempt' would become an issue - and so am/was particularly sensitive to signs of same. Which is how I see the dynamic since spring term. I'd ask for something, she'd say 'I'm working on it' or 'I can't yet' and then she'd forget it. Or at least (and I'm bending over backward here to be fair) I would see her as forgetting it. She'd always explain it as 'I can't give a price' (on a study abroad experience she is offering for this summer) or 'I want to get my app done right' or something along those lines. My response was always 'I understand that you can't give me complete information, but give me something.' And I got nothing. And subsequent requests were met with the same responses, with eye rolls.
Thursday, in response to C's take, I decided to at least air my concerns with MsM. Big mistake. I insisted that we get out of the building, into an area where we could be free of concerns of anybody overhearing anything. That was the only thing I did right. The conversation went downhill quickly. MsM got really defensive (not unexpected) and denied everything. Insisted that she'd done everything I'd ever asked, and bristled when I countered that yes, but always very late. The SA info that I'd finally gotten last Friday, the application still wasn't submitted, etc.. I found myself feeling under attack, and tried to explain to her that her tone was part of the problem. "I don't know what that means." "Tone?" "I don't know what you mean by tone." And it went circular and badly from there.
20 minutes of bad communications that left both of us frustrated, angry, scared. And that last is something I'm sure neither of us would like to admit. I'm scared that hiring her would be a huge mistake for both the friendship (which may be dead anyway now) and the department. I'm thinking that she's scared now that we don't want her, she's going to be punished because I'm being irrational. That was Thursday noon; MsM has since been withdrawn and warily polite. The friendship is probably gone. She did get her application uploaded Thursday evening.
I remember that the two most memorable examples of me trying to confront my problems with people's behavior have both had bad outcomes. First with Star, now with MsM. In both cases, my frustrations were with feeling as if I were being blown off as unimportant, un-serious, unnecessary. Gah. Crap. (FWIW, A thinks I was right and that MsM went into killer stubborn mode.)
Saturday was nice. Lovely fall weather, a couple of hours at a neighborhood arts festival, dinner with friends. Today I'm going to play with glass, do some fusing, maybe do some stained glass designing. Garden. Laundry (always, laundry).
Bought a print (signed) of a painting I couldn't afford.
Ty A Kelly, 2003
Kind of Matisse-y, no?
Didn't realize the yellows matched my living/dining room paint....